From the Ashes of Adversity: Embracing Transformation Through Life's Hardships

When I faced the crushing weight of divorce and the daunting decision to leave my corporate job, I feared I was on the brink of ruin. Yet, as I navigated through those dark times, I discovered they were the very foundation of my personal revival and joy. Join Sara and Hannah, as we peel back the layers of life's toughest moments to reveal the hidden blessings within. Sara shares her intimate story of parting ways with her now-fiancé, Reza, a period that, though fraught with heartache, became an unexpected catalyst for self-discovery and the fortification of their love.

This heart-to-heart conversation traverses the often bumpy road of emotional healing and redefines life's setbacks as stepping stones to personal empowerment. We'll discuss the transformative power of shifting our narrative from events happening 'to me' to happening 'for me', and how this change in mindset can open doors to new possibilities. Through our candid stories of hitting rock bottom and the tools that helped us claw back into the light—like oracle cards and facing our fears—we aim to illuminate the transformative journey from pain to empowerment, reminding you that even in the darkest times, there's a path that leads to the brightness of transformation.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:03

What is up? Mindfully Moody listeners, welcome to another episode. I'm Sarah, I'm here with my best friend, my co-host Hannah, and we are just flowing vibing getting into it for another episode. And before we even get into it, if you have listened to Mindfully Moody before, or maybe you're a new listener and you're just already like energetically connecting with us, go, follow us on wherever you're listening to this podcast, subscribe Apple Spotify and please leave us a review. It would be so helpful for us to reach more people just like you, who are looking for just community to connect about spirituality, self growth, all of the juicy topics that we talk about. So follow us. Also, follow us on social media. We put a lot of content out on both Instagram and TikTok under Mindfully Moody, and let's get into it.

Speaker 2: 1:04

Let's get into it, okay. So I was driving to my coworking community this morning and some thought just started pouring out in my brain about thinking about the worst case scenario in my mind actually ended up being the best case scenario. Now let me explain what I mean. I started thinking about like the toughest experiences that I've had in my life and thinking back to prior to those tough experiences, things that I did not want to happen. So I was in a very, very toxic marriage that I needed to get out of. But in that moment, when I was in that situation, all I could think about was like if I got a divorce at age 29, that would be the worst worst case scenario that I'd ever experienced. That would be like most embarrassing thing. Like I thought, if I was going to have to go through that, that it would just be literally the end of the fricking world and I would not be able to survive it. And what my worst case scenario was like, what I thought it was. It happened and it ended up being the best case scenario.

Speaker 2: 2:14

And another example of this is me leaving my corporate job, like I when I was in my corporate job, and thinking about, like, well, if I leave this tech job, what am I going to do? I'm never going to have money. Like I literally never will be able to do this, because I'm not like blah, blah, blah, like creating all of these scenarios in my head, like thinking it would be the worst case scenario if I had to leave it. I was so stuck in fear and then leaving that was the best case scenario. So I wanted to just talk about this today because it's like oftentimes we build these things in our head and we think it's going to be so horrible, like end of the world, but sometimes it ends up being like literally the best thing that could have ever happened to us. When I'm talking about this, sarah, do you have like an experience that comes to mind, like in the moment, like before it happened. Maybe you're like that would be the worst if that happened, or something like that, but it ended up being a really big blessing.

Speaker 1: 3:09

Yeah, totally. I mean, I think when when was this 2019, reza and I, my current fiance, broke up. He broke up with me and I was literally devastated. Like I thought that like I remember being like no, no, no, no, no, like we can't break up, like I literally in that moment, obviously I've so I mean we're back together now and things obviously worked out but like I literally felt like I'm going to die if we break up.

Speaker 1: 3:48

Like it felt that intense of emotion in the moment, like you cannot leave me, like this is my worst case scenario, like I thought that we were going to, you know, move in together and get married and live this life. And you know, and I felt like so much fear of what was going to be on the other side, like how was I ever going to find someone again that you know, I connected to, like him? I mean, clearly we just found each other again. But at this time I'm like really trying to channel. It's honestly weird to like have your biggest breakup experience be with the person that you're, you're in a relationship with now. But I felt just like it was going to be the end of the world.

Speaker 1: 4:40

And that time when we broke up and we went through a long period of time where we didn't talk at all, probably like at least six months, if not eight months, where we just weren't speaking, and then we kind of started to like get back into it. But that six to eight months of not speaking and then even like the time we didn't fully get back together again until about a year and a half later. I needed that time. That was one of the biggest blessings in my life. We were meant to have that happen to our relationship, for us to both grow as individuals and find out Like how much inner strength we actually had on our own, and I think we both went through various Experiences, lessons, and you know that clearly Then brought us back together.

Speaker 1: 5:41

But yeah, man, I thought that was gonna be, that was the end of my world, I thought. And then all of a sudden I was like wait, like now I'm prioritizing myself, because I was so, I mean, when we what? How old am I now? 31, I was like 28 when we broke up then and We'd been together for like two years at that point or something, something like that. I don't even know timing, but like I was so invested in him that I almost stopped giving as much love to myself and I needed that. Like bam, slap me in the face like you are your priority, get, get it together. You know and remember that. So that turned into being a really, really big blessing in my life.

Speaker 2: 6:31

Yeah, oh, I remember going that. I mean you know that experience like it's literally yesterday, as you probably do with mine too, but like it's just the universe puts things in our life for a reason to like go through those really really, really hard Experiences like I'm just thinking back to like that time and like you move. I think you moved to well, you were living in Oakland but, like you, moving to Florida also was part of that healing time and it's like that happening. It's like it happened for you and for Reza because, like he needed that time too to like whatever it heal, and himself and you both the fact that you both were able to spend time like nurturing yourself in that time apart it's like that happened.

Speaker 2: 7:18

And now look at what, what is here. It's like that relationship that you guys have built and like without that the cat, the catastrophic events, you know, it's like would we be here. It's like, even though those moments are so painful, it's it's like holding on to the hope of like what is to come. I feel like that. That is something that you know. When I was in that experience of being, in being in the marriage, like I would literally I wanted to do anything but that like breakup like I would. I was holding on gripping so tightly Because I was so afraid of what was to happen at the end of it. And To look at like I would not have it any other way. You know, think about if we would have lived those lifetimes like continued on rather than had that break.

Speaker 1: 8:12

Yeah what I would be like. Well, I want to ask you like, what do you think that fear? Like where do you think that fear stemmed from? Or what were you so afraid of to to have that happen? You know what I mean.

Speaker 2: 8:31

Yeah, I mean there was so much shame, you know, so much shame, man. I mean myself image was just totally like in the toilet when I was in that Marriage and there was so much shame of being divorced at a young age, like having a failed marriage, and it was a lot of what others would think like I just gave so much energy and attention to like thinking about the judgments of other people, but then there was, it was like a two-sided coin. Then it's also like you know, I don't want to be alone, kind of thing, right, like I'm in love with this person, quote-unquote, and Like what's my life gonna be like without them, kind of thing. So it's like also fear of being alone, I think, maybe fear of being a, fear of abandonment, kind of thing. But In those moments it's like that fear is so strong and my mom always says this and I've said this multiple times on the podcast but like sometimes there's only one way out and it's through, and like you have to sit in the darkness of like that Breaking moment in order to heal and there was so much healing to do.

Speaker 2: 9:43

Like I'm so, so, so grateful. Like it was a shit experience, but I'm so grateful because I'm the person Like you know, I have the a lot of these values of who I am, because I had to go through that experience and like I probably wouldn't have the amount of self-love and Ambition to go after my dreams if I didn't have to go through that hard time that like made me so just strong and resilient and like Really helped me get clarity on who I am. So like that's why I just feel like these moments, these pivotal moments in life, they're hard but they're so powerful and, yeah, I'm grateful.

Speaker 1: 10:20

Life is happening for you, not to you, is what's coming up for me. That is such a concept that I play with a lot in my own life because it helps me get Grounded with whatever is happening, when a challenge is happening, even if it feels really catastrophic at the time and it feels like, oh my gosh, how am I ever gonna get through this. It's like life is Happening for you, I mean. Another thing that it takes me way back to is when I had cancer when I was a teenager, and oh my gosh, I mean that's definitely the most challenging moment of my life and I because you know you don't have any skills as a teenager like to cope with anything, you know so it's like, oh my God, end of the absolute world.

Speaker 1: 11:21

You know, I felt super disconnected from everyone in my life my family, my friends, myself. I didn't even know what that meant, you know, to be connected to myself. I was confused. I was in so much emotional pain and, you know, I mean I had very, very, very, very negative thoughts, thoughts about hurting myself, thoughts about, you know, just a lot, a lot of pain, a lot of pain. And now I mean even even shortly after the experience, I was able to recognize just the strength that I gained from that experience and, even though it felt like the end of the world at the time, it made me who I am now. It made me who I was then. You know, it was a pivotal, pivotal part of my life that I had to heal from. But now look at all the amazing things that I'm going to do in my life to help other people heal from struggles in their past. You know, and it gave me the ability to do that. It was, it was a part of my journey.

Speaker 2: 12:41

Wow, my heart just like thinking about like little Sarah and like experiencing that. You know, it's just, yeah, it's heavy, like that's like so much. I mean, how old were you?

Speaker 1: 12:54

again, I was 15.

Speaker 2: 12:57

Yeah, oh, such a pivotal time in growing up. Like how do you think that you like coped with it when you were younger, like going through that?

Speaker 1: 13:10

I mean I coped with it through like extreme, extreme emotion. You know, like I remember I would just kind of isolate myself and feel like I just never felt understood. And I remember this felt and now I'm like, of course, because you know I was different and that's the beautiful thing about me, but I I coped by, yeah, isolating myself and then eventually, I mean I had to get on medication for depression and anxiety. I couldn't leave my house, I was refusing to go to school, like it was very I ended up ended up having to be homeschooled for the final, like three months of my sophomore year of school because I literally, like, had so much anxiety and felt so depressed that I couldn't do anything, you know. So I mean then I coped with through medication and then through getting my horse.

Speaker 1: 14:16

At the time that's what really brought me out of it was that I started, I rescued my horse that I have for 10 years when I was younger and that's what pulled me out of it in a positive way, you know. But and and at that time I felt like it brought me to her and she was a huge part of my healing and there was a lot of synchronicities of, like you know hurt and pain in my life and hurt and pain in her life and all of these things. So it's like things. Things happened as they were meant to for me. You know, now this is such a thing that I value happening in my life, but shit, yeah, 15 year old me was like no, I just want to like be accepted and like people think that I'm cool and, you know, not be sad every day. You know, I didn't, I didn't get it, but yeah, it happened for me.

Speaker 2: 15:14

I love that. I love that it happened for me. It's like if we can Bye, take that perspective with everything that happens, even though sometimes it's really hard you know that's hard, that's hard as hell to look at that situation and say that happened for me, because people, you know it's difficult, it's challenging, but sometimes we also need space between the catastrophic event and the growth and the healing in order to come to that right. Because it's like if something happens tomorrow I'm probably not going to be like damn, that happened for me, not to me. You know it's sometimes we need that time to heal.

Speaker 2: 15:55

But what I was thinking about, like on this topic, is like I was thinking about those two moments recently in my life and then I'm like where am I currently feeling that in my life? Because it's like almost a sense of attachment to things. Right, I was attached to that marriage not not it not being failed like a failed marriage. I was attached to having this identity as a product manager and having consistent income. I was so attached to that and I'm like where am I currently attached to things in my life that could be holding me back if I just let go of the reins and say let Jesus, take the wheel. Thanks, carrie. I'm really trying to recognize that. Like am I? Are there places in my life in thinking about this is coming up in my business? You know, maybe I'm holding on too tightly and I just need to let go, because it's like is life, but where will it lead me if I, if I just let go and just trust that like it's going to work out and it's all going to be perfect?

Speaker 1: 16:53

Yeah, it's so funny because I had pulled this Oracle card a few days ago and it was called the crumbling and it was like where are you like, where do you need to let go? So then today I had it on my altar for a few days because I was like sitting with it and resonating with it. And then today I was like, okay, I'm ready to like put this back in my deck and I want to pull a new card. So I like meditate and I set the cards out and I'm like they're shuffled everything and I'm like you know, I always try to tune into like rakey energy to help me choose a card I literally choose the same card. They're crumbling, damn. I'm like, okay, okay, universe, I hear you, you're trying to tell me that I need to let go of something and I need to keep reflecting on it, you know. But yeah, I mean, it's coming crumbling down. I know something is coming. Something is coming crumbling down.

Speaker 1: 17:54

I mean I think any any doubt for me embodying, being a coach, being a healer, being an intuitive and just stepping into that power, like I really got to let that, let that fear crumble. But yeah, I mean, especially when we hang on to some of the pain from these experiences that we may have had. You know, these things that we're saying we were so fearful of happening and then they happen. And I think, yes, it does take healing time to get into that mindset of like this is happening for me and not to me. And I think you can get to that quicker the more you allow yourself to feel, to just allow the feelings to go through you. I mean, think back to when you were like first going through your separation, who I mean you were letting those feelings, you were letting those feelings come through, like you had to like go through it. You know, and I actually feel like you, I mean went through a period of like a lot of like purging of emotion and then you started to like really rebuild faster than I expected.

Speaker 1: 19:18

You know, because I think that you really let yourself like express it. You know, but I think a lot of people myself included in my past resist, resist, resist, resist, resist, like actually feeling into the experience of pain, that then they perpetuate the experience of pain. You know what I mean.

Speaker 2: 19:40

Yeah, yeah, I feel like that was just like truly rock bottom, where you're like I maybe you felt like that too. Like when you guys broke out, you and Reza broke up for the first time like where it's just like. You literally feel like you are at the bottom of the bottom of like, where it's like you're almost just sick and you don't even want to wake up, like you're. I don't even yeah, couldn't get worse have any words. I'm just just yeah, like it, literally that's up in. That was my perspective at the time. Now I'm like so happy girl.

Speaker 1: 20:16

What the hell were you thinking?

Speaker 2: 20:21

So, so, so happy, but it was, I forget. Maybe Danielle said this, maybe she said this on an episode, possibly, but like, or somebody told said this, but like, when you are in the darkness, like everything is pitch black, like in your mind, even like dark thoughts, all of that it takes like only like one light, like someone to like, just like light, a lighter literally, and then, like you, you see a little bit light and then, like that light gets brighter and brighter and brighter, as long as you keep following that light. And I feel like that's what happened was like I was in so much pain and then I decided that I was ready, ready for the light kind of thing. I don't know where this analogy is going, but like I was ready to see the light and I was like I was fully ready for that healing journey. I'm like I am no longer feeling like shit. I am awakening to my power and there's so many opportunities for that.

Speaker 2: 21:20

I hope I don't have to get to another rock bottom. I mean there probably will have a multiple rock bottoms in my lifetime. I don't want to call that in universe, I'm not calling that in, but yeah, I mean, do you think yeah, yeah, maybe not rock bottom, but I don't know, yeah, I don't know about rock bottom.

Speaker 1: 21:40

I mean, I feel like that's so. Like depends on the person of, like what they define that, as you know.

Speaker 1: 21:47

But I feel like challenge will always arise Like I don't think it's like you get to. You know some sort of like depth on a healing journey and now it's like all right, well, it's easy breezy from here on up, you know. I mean I've done a lot of inner child healing, for example. I think I'll be definitely thrown into the trenches many more times with inner child healing or or with you know any kind of like you don't just do work and then you know, oh, everything's all fine and dandy from here. Like something is going to trigger my inner child.

Speaker 1: 22:24

Yeah something is going to trigger a family wound, something is going to trigger, you know, a challenge or relationship, whatever, and, like you can absolutely go to a new depth of sadness, anger, frustration, whatever the depression, whatever the emotion is. But I feel like the like what's coming to me right now is when Reza's cat died, which was last year, and it was such a challenging moment for us. It was such a challenging moment for him, like she was with him for 11 years, like through very, very big challenges in his life, and I was with her for a long time as well, and it was like so painful when she died for both of us.

Speaker 1: 23:19

And I remember at the time like we were just I mean, we were so emotional, we were crying. It was such like a deep emotional experience for us. But I was like just telling myself like, feel this, feel this, feel this. Don't distract yourself from it, just feel it, just get into the emotions. You want to be sad, like be sad. Yes, you can use tools to work through that sadness if you want to, or you can just surrender to the feeling. You know, and it's like yeah, I feel like that is. What will happen now for us is that we understand that their pain is in resistance. Pain is perpetuated by resistance. So I feel like the way that we will handle quote-unquote rock bottom moments or challenges may be different in the future than it was in the past.

Speaker 2: 24:14

Yeah, yeah, so well said.

Speaker 2: 24:18

I think that we are now equipped with new tools that help us navigate things in a healthier way. But I love what you were saying about like honoring the emotions, moving through the emotions, crying, but it's hitting a pillow, spending time being angry, like because that is healthy, that we're learning how to allow our emotions to create space, and I think in the past it was a lot of pushing down, covering up, not dealing, not handling especially with food, you know, emotionally trying to push things away, and or with drinking, or with vices, you know. But finding it's like healthier ways to feel. Like sometimes, when I'm feeling sad or feeling emotional, it's like I have these letters from my dad. It sounds, sounds kind of interesting, but like if I want to cry, like sometimes I'm like I'm feeling sad and I want to cry, like I just like read the letters and it's like my little tool and I'm happy I have it because it's like I know that's going to make me emotional and then I can like release and it feels so good to release that like so.

Speaker 1: 25:33

That's my health.

Speaker 2: 25:33

That's my healthy version of like finding yeah, finding ways that work for you to kind of feel it and heal it.

Speaker 1: 25:41

Yes, I love it and I hope that, if you're listening to this and you are experiencing a really big challenge in your life, first we want to send you love and just a lot of encouragement to be gentle with yourself, to be kind to yourself, and you may be triggered by hearing your biggest challenges could be your biggest teachers, and that's okay too, because that's can be triggering and that's okay. To be triggered wherever you are at right now is completely okay. And yeah, I just. You know it's like there are these cliche sayings. That is like you know people are like whatever. That's bullshit, but time really does heal all.

Speaker 1: 26:36

And I'm not saying that it heals every you know a wound to be unseen right. Scars will always remain, but being able to try to shift your perspective can be a really powerful way to continue to live a fulfilling life, because no matter what you're going through right now, you deserve to live a fulfilling life. You deserve to be happy and peaceful and joyful, and allowing things to heal is going to get you to that in a long term way.

Speaker 2: 27:15

Yes, I love the saying. This too shall pass. If you are feeling like you're in a painful season of your life, just know it's not forever and the light will come eventually. Thank you, guys.

Speaker 1: 27:33

We love you. We love you. Thank you so much for listening. We'll be back.