My Cancer Journey as a Teenager and Finding the Gratitude in Suffering

This is a vulnerable solo episode, where I, Sara,  pull back the curtain on my teenage battle with thyroid cancer. For many years, I had deep fear about talking about my experience with cancer, and today, I know I am being called to share with others.

At just 15, I grappled not only with a serious illness but also with the sharp edges of being heavily bullied as a teenager and the  grief of losing my grandmother right before I was diagnosed. I was in a spiral of crippling anxiety, depression where I couldn't get out of bed to go to school, combined with the fear of not being accepted by my peers.

This episode isn't merely a recount of the struggles; it's a heartfelt invitation to those who've known the weight of similar challenges to come together in solidarity.

You'll hear about the emotional scars—anger, shame, and the yearning for acceptance—that lingered long after my physical recovery, and how confronting these feelings opened a path to true healing.

I now reflect on my cancer experience with gratitude and the understanding of how my battle shaped me into the person I am today, a woman of compassion, a healer, a life coach empowering women to discover their limitless potential, & so much more.

Reflecting on the cathartic power of sharing and empathy, this conversation amplifies the voices of those who've been touched by the shadow of illness.

As a survivor, I understand the silent battles and unspoken trials that so many endure. Emphasizing the importance of withholding judgment and extending grace, this episode stands as a beacon for connection—a sanctuary where experiences are not just recounted but resonate with compassion and support.

Join me in fostering a community bound by the shared desire for healing, for it's in the unity of our stories that we find the strength to not only endure but to triumph.

xoxo, Sara

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For more information visit our website here: https://www.mindfully-moody.com/

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:04

Hello, my loves. Welcome back to Mindfully Moody, a community, a podcast that my best friend, hannah, and I, sarah, built to help you reach your truest potential, empower you, inspire you, be your friend, biggest supporter, help you figure out how to rewire your brain, discover new things about yourself, uplift your life, find your purpose all of the amazing, beautiful things that we, as human beings, have the power to be able to do in this lifetime. So we created this to just have a space where people can come, listen, experience and we would always love to hear from you if you have anything that you want to hear us talk about, if you want to come on the podcast, if you have been listening to Mindfully Moody for a long time and you want to come on the podcast, reach out to us. Let us know what you want to talk about. We're always looking for guests. We don't have guests on super often, but we are looking for guests right now. So come and vibe with us, talk about some amazing, incredible topic, and today I'm doing a solo episode. We've been doing this for a little while on the mini mood, our Friday shorter form podcast series, and I'm going to get really vulnerable today and talk about something that has been on my heart, on my mind, in my own journey, because I feel like I am being called to speak more about this and there are people out there who need to hear what I have to say about this experience in my life. So I want to get really real with you about my experience having cancer when I was 15 years old, and I talked about this on a recent episode that's coming out soon. But I wanted to also just take a little bit of time from a solo perspective and really just kind of see what comes up. I don't have anything planned. I'm just going to really be super authentic, real vulnerable and see what comes to the surface.

Speaker 1: 2:20

So I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer when I was 15 years old and during this time I was already up against a lot of challenges. I was 15. I was the girl that never really fit in. I was a horse girl. I had my horse friends, but they were like growing up quicker than me and dating and doing all the things that teenagers do. And I wasn't really at that point in my life yet and I had just lost my grandmother, who I was very, very, very close to, and my mom recognized one day that I had a lump in my throat and or around my throat and she said immediately I think there's a cyst in your thyroid. We have thyroid issues that have run in our family, on both sides of my family, and we went to see a doctor and, lo and behold, I had a cyst and this started a whole rabbit hole of doctors experiences.

Speaker 1: 3:28

I had two surgeries and it was really a challenging time in my life and for a really long time I couldn't even speak about it, like I actually could not even really tell people that I had had cancer. When I would talk about it I would get super emotional and I would start crying or I'd feel a lot of anger bubbling up to the surface that I didn't really understand why or know how to explain. But it was just a topic that I didn't talk about for probably 10 years. I remember that sometimes I would be friends with someone for a period of time when I was in my 20s and then they would find out that I had had cancer and they already knew me super well and they would be shocked Like, wow, I can't believe you never told me that. And even recently until recently, it's like it had been such a traumatic moment in my life that I almost didn't even want it to be a part of my story, and I felt a lot of shame around not wanting it to be a part of my story, but there was so many wounds there that felt like I don't know they were off limits in some sort of way. So I'm still opening to this. I've done a lot of healing, even just the past six, eight weeks, on healing my inner teenager, that 15-year-old version of me who felt like she was never seen, understood, appreciated, valued by herself or others. Whether that was true or not true, that is what my experience felt like at that time in my life and it really was really, really hard for me During that time.

Speaker 1: 5:26

It was about, I would say, eight or nine months between me finding out to me, almost a year, having two surgeries. Then I did radioactive iodine treatments where I couldn't be on thyroid hormones for a period of time which was really challenging when I had no thyroid and you know. So it was like, from beginning to end, a little bit less than a year where I had crippling anxiety, extreme depression. I had to be homeschooled towards the later half of the period because I literally was so scared to go to school I couldn't even. Oh my gosh, it was crazy. I was being super bullied in school. I was being told all the time I was called fat in school, all the freaking time, all the time I rode horses.

Speaker 1: 6:22

At the time, really vulnerable moment, I had these boys in my culinary class that I had at the time and this was the year that I was going through all of my things and they would literally bully me every single day for being fat. They would say things about me. They would say, oh, you're going to kill a horse. All of these things for being overweight Really cruel things. And I was also experiencing, you know, being sick at this time, feeling like I didn't have any support.

Speaker 1: 6:53

I had my parents, of course, but you know how it is when you're a teenager. You're like, even if you have the best parents in the world, you don't feel supported by them. Why is that? I hope I can, I don't know. I don't know. It's just, I think, a characteristic of being a teenager. Wow, it's like. Even reliving this, talking about this right now, is like damn, it's heavy and it's hard. But I would never change this experience in my life for anything, because the things that it taught me have shaped my life and who I am today and who I will continue to be as an adult, as a parent, as a friend, as a partner.

Speaker 1: 7:39

There is just something that happens when you go through a really challenging health experience. It just changes you. It just changes the way that you show up in the world. It's like you could list a million things that you're grateful for the average person and they may never even get to their health and being able to leave the house every day and feel comfortable, or not having anxiety about are they sick or could something go wrong, or all of the things that come along with having a challenge with your health. And I am so grateful every single day for my health for different layers of my health too for not having to have that kind of fear that I had during that time, even though I had thyroid cancer, which does have a high rate of recovery, which has posed a lot of other challenges in my journey, by the way because I have had so many people say to me in my life oh wow, if I were to have cancer, I'd certainly want to have thyroid cancer and throw those kind of things out at me like, oh well, at least you didn't have x, y and z, and don't get me wrong, I'm grateful that I didn't have another form of cancer at the same time. That can be true. It can be true that it has a high recovery rate and that it's incredibly challenging to go through right.

Speaker 1: 9:09

It's just a constant reminder to me, like never shame someone for where they're at on their journey or what they're experiencing, because you have no idea what someone's experience is. Right, you have no freaking idea what someone's experience is if you are not walking in their shoes, whether they are healthy or not, it doesn't matter. And we should never, ever put our own shit on other people. And if people do put it on, you know that it is not about you. You know, like as I've gotten older, I just had someone say this to me actually within the past few months, that exactly what I'm talking about now, and I just let it roll off of me. You know, because I understand that everyone comes from their own experience, but it's still, you know, it's still like let's not do that to each other.

Speaker 1: 10:03

You know, and even as I talk about it now, I'm like I get a little bit of I don't know, fear of not saying the right thing, of offending people, of, you know, saying something that might not be resonant with everyone. It's like this is my freaking truth and I have the right to tell my own truth, and this is something that I'm trying to step into more as I'm in my 30s and I'm really getting comfortable with who I am and my story. And I want to tell my story because I want to help other people and I'm not trying to shy away from my truth. Like for what? For what is the reason for me to shy away from my truth? You know what I mean. So I think that I will continue to broadcast it and I envision that this experience in my life me going through cancer will be a much bigger part of my outward story.

Speaker 1: 11:05

As I continue on, and I would love to hear from people if this episode resonates with you. If you have gone through something similar, I would love to support you. I would love to connect with you, because having struggles with your health, having cancer, having something that feels like it is taking away your freedom, your vitality, your just birthright to live a long, healthy, fulfilling life it is haunting, scary. Just so many things. There are so many emotions that get wrapped up in this kind of experience and I just send so much freaking love to anyone that is going through this right now, has gone through this recently, has gone through this with a family member.

Speaker 1: 11:56

Cancer, no matter what form it takes, is just so hard, so challenging, and I am so blessed that I get to tell my story today, that I get to be on this platform and say I am a cancer survivor, which I hesitated from saying for a long time because of the shame as well. I am internal shame, by the way, or even fear of what someone would say if they would look at me different. Or when you tell someone that you've gone through something challenging and maybe you're having a regular conversation, and then they're like, oh, I'm so sorry. And you're like, don't make it weird now, I'm still a normal person, I survived, I'm thriving, I'm living life and sure, I feel empathy for me, but for so long I shied away from talking about it as well, because I was like I don't want people to stress about me.

Speaker 1: 13:08

But if there is one thing that I could go back and tell my younger self, the 15 year old version of me that had cancer. It would be, oh, oh, literally envisioning myself hugging that version of me right now and giving her so much, so much self love that she needed at that time, so much, just incredible, incredible love and kindness and grace. And I would tell her, that 15 year old version of me, that it is possible to heal. It is possible to heal mostly mentally, but also physically, spiritually, emotionally and the fears that are taking over your mind right now. You don't have to get caught up in those fears At the same time. It's okay to feel what you're feeling. You don't have to run away from what you're feeling now, but it is possible to heal and you will heal and allow people around you to support you more.

Speaker 1: 14:41

Lean on your parents, hug your parents. Oh my gosh, I can't even imagine what my parents went through during this time. And just mm so much love. It just comes back to so much love. For me, it's keeping it simple, but it's just so true. So just be so grateful for your health.

Speaker 1: 15:11

I feel like that's one of the biggest messages that I'm taking away from having this discussion right now. And if you are going through something like this, I see you, I hear you, I value you and reach out, reach out. I would love to create a supportive community of people who have been through something like this, and I love you all so much. This is just the little start of me talking about my journey, getting real, about my journey, and I hope that this episode just allows you even though it's a challenging topic, allows you to see that it is possible to heal, it is possible to create the life of your dreams. 15-year-old Sarah never knew, she had no idea that 31-year-old her would be speaking on a podcast right now that she had created, that she had been on with her best friend for the past over two years, that she would be helping other people live their realest, truest, most authentic expression and elevate to their potential. And, oh my goodness, she would be shocked if she saw me now. So have a beautiful weekend. Love you all so much.